Empty-Nesters

This evening I gave my first public presentation on the Tapas Life.  This necessitated putting together a PowerPoint deck, which I do with pretty much all photos — not a bunch of text slides.  After the 6th draft, it was almost there, and then I chewed on it for about a week before tonight, tweaking here and there, changing the order of a slide, and so on.  And the feedback is that the session went well.  At my wife’s suggestion, I included a couple of activities for the attendees, and this got folks engaged with the topic from the get-go.  I was a good public speaker while in my long career, but haven’t done that in over 10 years.  It was good to find out that I haven’t forgotten how!

My second speaking event is on September 10th, and I’ll be working to line up a steady stream of these.  It’s all part of getting the word out about the Tapas Life, so people can realize that there’s a new type of life that can be assembled and lived fully and richly.  Getting the word out, as you may recall, culminates in a book, with some magazine articles along the way.  And hopefully lots of speaking engagements.  My talk is an hour long, including the activities and a bit of Q&A — if you know a group that might enjoy having me in, please put me in touch with them.  Thanks.

A benefit of the talk tonight is that I got some feedback — and it’s always helpful to get feedback.  A couple of people were talking and had an “Aha!” moment when they realized that at-home parents (mostly women) who become Empty-Nesters are in many ways in the same boat as people completing their long careers.  In fact, these parents have completed their own form of long career:  raising children — likely 20+ years worth.

How many times have you come across a parent who’s been primary caregiver to kids for a couple decades who is thoroughly lost when the youngest heads off to college?  A friend was in town a couple months ago and he said his wife is exactly there —  no idea what to do with herself.

Indeed, this is a demographic group for whom the Tapas Life is a wonderful possibility.  Just as the person at the end of any long career, they can decompress, catch up, introspect and figure out who they are after all these years, what their identity might be going forward, what they value, what makes them happy, and what they want out of their remaining decades of life.  And they may have more life left, too, because they may be closer to 50 than to 65.

They’re numerous, too.  There are over 5 million at-home moms (less than 200 thousand at-home dads) in the U.S.  And over half of them are over 35 years old.  This seems to me to be the pool of folks who will need to figure out what to do as Empty-Nesters.

Of course, some will need or want to find full-time work, either in the for-profit world or the non-profit world.

Others are excellent candidates for assembling themselves a Tapas Life.  (Which may well include part-time work of some sort.)

If you know people who are in the neighborhood of the challenging transition that attends becoming an Empty-Nester, please have them peruse this blog to become acquainted with the Tapas Life concept and to find some ideas about how to get started (e.g., Do Something You Like).  In fact, I started my quasi-random walk to my own Tapas Life (without knowing I was doing that) when I myself became an Empty-Nester, after being a housedad for 5 years (which in turn came after my long career).  I guess what they say is true:  necessity is the mother of invention.

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p.s.:  My wife and I formed an Empty-Nester dinner group with two other couples whose youngest had just gone off to college.  We got together for dinner every six weeks and shared notes about our experience, how things were going for our kids off in college, and life in general.  It was a very helpful support group for me while my Tapas Life gradually fell into place.  And it was a very helpful support group for my wife, notwithstanding that she was working full time.  If you’re an Empty-Nester or are soon to be one, you may want to consider such a thing, or a coffee group, or a dog-walking group, or whatever — just something to make that difficult transition a little easier.  A dividend is that we still get together with that group, just to enjoy each other’s company, six years later.

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4 thoughts on “Empty-Nesters

  1. Love today’s blog! My friends who have embraced this phase are now calling themselves “Freebirds” as Empty Nester seems to have negative connotations!!
    Great job with everything.

  2. As always Andy, a well written, entertaining, and humorous journey.
    I can hear you talking as I read your blog. I am impressed about the public speaking engagerments. Where is the one going to be held on Sept. 10th?
    I might like to attend. Also what group do I know that you could talk too or how can I help, get the “word” out? Have you tried the clubs? Like University club? I could certainly do Alpine Hills. And when you know the date I could post it on PV Forum for you.

    • The talk last night was at the University Club. The talk on Sept. 10th at 11:00 a.m. is at the JCC. Would love to talk at Alpine Hills or other organizations whose membership would like to learn about the Tapas Life. Thanks for your help, Leslie!

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